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Memorial day weekend is here, and if you’re like me you sometimes find yourself wondering what to do on a holiday weekend, especially with everything you have to choose from in the summer.
On the other hand, if you REALLY ARE like me you have bigger problems than just trying to fill your spare time on Memorial Day…problems like trying to avoid the men in the little white coats carrying straitjackets…
Since you already have so many options for the weekend that you are probably walking around confused, trying to decide what to do and what to skip, allow me to be a good friend… A good buddy… A good pal… And confuse you even more. Here is my list of the top 15 things you can do to fill your Memorial Day weekend to overflowing…and beyond.
1. First, do something by not doing something. Don’t get up until really, really late. Between work and a to-do list you probably rarely get to sleep in, even on the weekend… So sleep in, just on Memorial Day itself if you have to, but try for the whole weekend.
2. Prepare for BBQ. Now, this sounds simple enough. After all “preparing” for barbecue can’t be nearly as hard as BBQ’ing itself is, right? Well, not exactly, or at least not if you are a true BBQ aficionado as I am. There is a whole lot to getting ready for BBQ. First you have to think about it… Roll it around in your mind… Play with it… Savor the thought of it. You have not properly prepared for BBQ if those three little letters, “BBQ”, can run through your mind without causing you to drool. A lot. As in needing a towel. A large one. Since”preparing for BBQ” is so involved, and such hard work, just rolled it around in your mind and think about it for now. We’ll get to the rest later.
3. Watch a baseball game. When you talk about Memorial Day you’re talking about good Ol American summertime fun, and good Ol American summertime fun means ” baseball, hot dogs, apple pie, and
Chevrolet Ford. Well, we’re having BBQ instead of hot dogs (see numbers two, five, seven, nine, 12, 13, and 14) and apple pie, so kill two birds with one stone and drive your Ford to see a baseball game. Any baseball game. There is actually a law here in Georgia that you must watch a baseball game, live and in person, on Memorial Day. (We have weird laws here in Georgia, like it is against the law to cut your grass without a Budweiser in your hand, which explains why the grass in my yard is so long.)
4. Go to a parade. There is no law in Georgia about having to do this, but there should be. The local high school band, the local American Legion post, the Cub Scout den, the Girl Scouts, and Miss Susie’s Dance Studio and Twirling Emporium work hard marching down Main Street. Reward them with your cheering and applause.
5. Prepare for BBQ. BBQ preparation, step two, is a little more work. You’re still thinking about it, you’re still rolling around in your mind, and now you begin to play, mentally, with that smoky, wonderful smell. Carly Simon had it right. “An-tiss-i-paa-aaa-aaa-shun is makin’ it great.”
6. Remind Uncle Bubba every holiday doesn’t fall during deer season. We all have an Uncle Bubba or a Cousin Cletus, or at least most of us in the south do. These guys eat and breathe deer hunting. I think some of them are even thinking about deer hunting while
having sex making babies making love. They will need to be reminded that this is Memorial Day, not Thanksgiving
7. Prepare for BBQ. BBQ preparation, step three, is where you begin to sweat. Thinking about it is done, as you have gone beyond the ability to think. You’ve rolled it around in your mind until you are in danger of getting a headache from its landing back and forth up against the insides of your empty skull. The wonderful aroma in your mind has become so real you have barbecue sauce dripping off the end of your nose. Unbidden, a silent chant begins in your mind, “BBQ, BBQ, BBQ, BBQ, BBQ…”, and the drool begins to run. In buckets. Now THAT’S what I’m talkin’ about!!!
8. Salve Uncle Bubba’s hurt feelings. Tell him to go fishing instead.
9. Prepare BBQ. Not prepare for, but actually prepare! I don’t need to waste time on instructions here, do I? After all, EVERYONE knows how to BBQ, right? LOL (Seriously, look for my BBQ recipes in the In the Kitchen category of JuicyMaters in time for July 4th.)
10. Wave an American flag. Aytime, anywhere. Seriously…think of WHY there is a Memorial Day. (Hint: It’s NOT in memory of your ex-anything)
11. Put flowers on a lonely looking veteran’s grave. Does it even need sayin’? If so, re-read number 10 and remember it, dammit! (“Cause I said so, that’s why!)
12. Eat lots of BBQ. It’s a holiday…time to cheat on the diet a bit, and this is a good start.
13. Eat lots of BBQ. See instructon 12, above.
14. Repeat 12 and 13 until satisfied…or burst. Then have a piece…or three…of that apple pie we were talkin’ about back on Thing to Do number 3.
15. Shoot off fireworks. I know, I know…it’s not the 4th of July, but you know what they say about practice, practice, practice…and I saw your last fireworks display. Believe me, you need the practice.
BONUS ACTIVITY: Enjoy the holiday, and don’t DnD (Drink and Drive)! See y’all next week!
- Memorial Day Essentials: The Perfect Memorial Day BBQ Playlist (wycd.radio.com)
- Interesting Facts About Memorial Day! (wycd.radio.com)
- In Which We Closed Shop Early for Memorial Day Weekend (metalsucks.net)