Apr 052011
 
Two sweet old ladies and a deranged redneck

I was so excited that I had a solution to my problem that I woke up at 4:00 AM the following Saturday in anticipation of putting my plan in motion. I started getting ready about 7 o’clock, just in case they were early. I was peeking out the window every 5 minutes I was so excited.

Then…there they were! I hid behind the kitchen door, waiting for them to knock, and when the knock finally came, I threw open the door, and with a big smile on my face, announced loudly:

“Hallelujah…I’m ready to be saved! Y’all come on in and let’s talk!”

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Mar 012011
 
My son claims to love me. Sometimes I wonder though…

I called my son yesterday. I was trapped in a 5×10 foot section of my living room, a victim of high humidity and slow-drying wood stain. I’ll tell y’all about the Great Floor Finishing Adventure in a few days…when it’s over, I recover, and sanity returns.

No smart cracks about little chance of the whole sanity thing happening soon, OK?

Anyway, being trapped where I was left me few entertainment options while I waited to escape.

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Feb 172011
 
“Surprise, surprise, surprise!” – Gomer Pyle, a Great American

Sub-titled, “It’s about time Bob fixed this place up.”

Can we talk?

New visitors to JuicyMaters, first visiting here after 10:00 AM yesterday, might be a bit confused about the subtitle of this post. After all, looking this joint over for the first time you would think JuicyMaters is a pretty nice little blog to visit, right? Well, it is. Now.

For JuicyMaters’ regulars, however, “surprise, surprise, surprise!” was probably a mild reaction, because the place did, indeed, need “fixing up”. It was bad enough that expecting y’all to keep coming back might be called “visitor abuse”…except I don’t consider y’all visitors. You are friends.

Oh sure, if you looked hard enough you could dig out some pretty good information around here, but finding it was like looking for a needle in a haystack. If you ever read something that you wanted to come back to later you are a better (blog) archaeologist than the folks who discovered King Tut’s tomb if you actually found it again.

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Jan 292011
 
The top 5 commercials that drive me nuts!

Come on Abe…just be “Honest Abe” and answer the question…you don’t have to lie to stay out of trouble.

First, when his wife asked him, “Does this dress make my rear look big?”, he should have answered “No”, rather than squirming like a worm on a fish hook. It would have been the honest answer, and would not have gotten him in as much trouble as the equally honest, but more complete, “No, Mary, the dress does not make your butt look big. Your butt looks big because your butt IS big.”

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